Perhaps she will reciprocate in your language back to you, but that’s not your goal. © 2020 FamilyLife®. Research indicates that marriages that practice this simple discipline are much healthier than those that don’t. 8. This sort of behavior is entirely protective, and for me, I felt I needed to secure myself so no one could hurt me again. 11. Find out in Bob Lepine's new book, By clicking the "Sign up" button, you agree to receive email updates from FamilyLife and agree to FamilyLife’s, In His Corner: 32 Ways to Honor Your Husband, When My Husband Said ‘No’ to Aborting Our Baby, Married to a Stranger? It will do wonders for your marriage. 17. 2. He is a basketball “nut.” He’s the kind of sports buff who can talk nonstop about his favorite basketball teams with anybody who’ll listen. Or play a card game that you used to play when you dated or were just married. 24. Here’s a list of non-sexual ways to make your wife feel loved, valued, cherished, and affirmed. Love letters for her: When you are in love then all you want to do is just keep your girl happy all the time you just want to see the curve on her face turning into a smile, not into sadness. Marriage is not a spectator sport. Meet Don. 28. Brush her hair and compliment her hair and eyes. But with planting and perseverance, we may discover the field we’re on is actually a garden. Learn self-love. Here are 30 nonsexual ways to cherish your bride through words and acts of affirmation. Learning to give support if you are a natural taker is really important. It's just in my blood, and I can't help myself sometimes. Diversify your interests; make friends with people at work or school. 6. Having confidence leads to making choices based out of love and kindness, rather than fear, guilt and anxiety, which are the three emotions that will take you straight to a breakup. I realized that I was heading up a similar path to her, and this taught me to feel compassion for her. 30. I overanalyze at times; when I am sad or lonely I want to cling to the person I love. Whatever it may be that builds your self-love, my advice to you is to learn how to love yourself unconditionally in your 20s. I would want to become that person, and I would change myself to please other people. The unfortunate result was that, while I never felt overly sad or upset, I also never felt overly happy or excited. The next time you go to dinner, say, “You’ve had a tough day, Sweetie. If she has wrestled with a specific spiritual issue (such as gossip, envy, a lack of compassion), tell her how much you appreciate her desire to handle it in a godly manner. Learning and understanding these differences takes time and a certain level of patience. Learning to let go is a constant struggle, but practicing letting go will lead to freedom, high-value, self-love, trust, vulnerability and respect. And, while you may take a while to understand these lessons or realize why they are important, you will have your own journey in your 20s to learn your most important relationship lessons. It takes putting yourself out there, and doing what is in your heart and your soul. I’d love to hear about your day.”. Start opening the car door for her as you did when you dated, pull out her chair for her at the dinner table, offer your arm while walking down stairs, and help her put her coat on. Never put all of your eggs in one basket. When you are together in a crowd, find a way to brag on her. I didn't pay attention to the most important part of being in a relationship: acceptance and understanding. Freedom is necessary for growth, and important for discovering dreams, passions, happiness, etc. And, when he rebels and pushes away from me, I cling harder with fear of losing that person. Each time Solomon said, “My beloved,” his words clothed her with dignity and value. Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold her hand, even for a few moments. If she’s doing the laundry, pull yourself away from whatever you’re doing and offer to bring the hamper. Those male digs might work in the locker room with the boys, but they’re out of bounds with our wives. 13. 1. Self-love ties into your self-confidence; it allows you to excel and pushes your drive and growth. Relationships are hard, but they are also beautiful, raw, real and unique. While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Take her car to the gas station, fill the tank, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows. I'll mistake the need for space as something to take personally. Having confidence leads to making choices based out of love … Here are some principles to keep in mind as you raise a boy to be a man. Ask her to pray for you about a challenge you are facing. Here are the top 12 important lessons I have learned about relationships in my 20s: I have been in situations where I have been scared to give someone else freedom, which, of course, is fueled by anxiety and fear. I love … Boys will be boys, unless we train them to be men. Respect is something upon which you build. 12. Then help her clear the table or offer to do the dishes with her. 19. When relationships go well, there is no better feeling in the world, but when they get complicated, there is nothing that causes more anxiety or stress. If she’s sleeping, leave her a note, or gently kiss her forehead and whisper, “Have a wonderful day, sweetheart.”. I have released all the negativity I held toward her, and now I just hope that one day she can learn to love herself. Express appreciation for her doing the laundry and folding your clothing. It takes being in tune with your partner and leading with trust, kindness and love, rather than fear and anxiety. 3. And, while I am both pro-woman and pro-man, I do not believe we are the same. Because of that, I am still learning to be even more respectful, no strings attached. When it comes to romance, he’s tempted to give affirmation only because he hopes to “get sex” in return. I love sharing the way I feel, and while I know this is not always true of every woman, I know these actions are different from the actions of the men I know. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls. Help others Find an event Find global partners Find small group studies Help for pastors Help for stepfamilies Help for you Listen to FamilyLife Blended® Listen to FamilyLife Today® Ministry Advisor, About us Contact us Career Opportunities Make a donation Annual Report Leave a Legacy. Is that too difficult to believe? I have let go of my mother. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson Inc., Nashville, TN., from Rekindling the Romance, ©2004 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Write, “I’m crazy about you, Honey. Others are anxious about being so vulnerable with displays of affirmation. And, I can tell you that every time I have made decisions based out of fear, I have lost out on something. I've acted according to what is best and easiest for me. Learning how to respect others is huge. Is your love for real? When love is in the air you feel like you are on cloud nine and you just wish to be there forever with your girl. 5 Tips to Know Your Spouse. 18. He finally said, “College or NBA?”. That trip to a quaint ski town, or night at a hotel in your own city will create special memories and moments that you will cherish long after they are over. I’d estimate that 40 percent of men don’t. If you’ve hesitated affirming your bride, or if you’ve been slow to praise her qualities, trust me on this: just do it. Even at my age, I often forget this about men. Put down the newspaper or turn off the computer, and say, “Why don’t we go for a walk and talk? They like to spend time with their guy friends (a lot of time), and don't always want to be the person to whom you gossip every little detail of life. This means accepting that you will never be perfect, and looking in the mirror and being comfortable with what you see.

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