When I entered high school, little time passed before I had my first “real” boyfriend. Period. Set boundaries with other individuals that allow you to balance caring for them with trying to “save” them. I’ve had a healthy dose of savior complex since I was a little kid. But no worries. The relationship is over now due to reasons beyond his recent depressive episode. There’s nothing wrong with feeling depressed, and me trying to “fix” it would indicate that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. It is the way you see the world. [6] As the Kent-Flew thesis argued that his experience entailed auditory and visual hallucinations. She also suffered from debilitating depression and would often call me in the middle of the night while I was in high school to talk to me about her suicidal thoughts. Slow down enough to be mindful of choices. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.”. Sending you looooove. It’s really valuable to look within to an extent and say… alright… what am I doing here that may be attracting some of this? Welcome to the Bare, where I talk about money and personal growth. In under two years, Clo Bare paid off $40k in debt, saved $108k for retirement, and got on track to retire by 46. She started Clo Bare in 2017 when she first wrote about personal growth, mental health and relationships, and as the years went on her love of personal finance took over. I WIN AT BEING THE BEST CAREGIVER YOU EVER FUCKING HAD EVEN IF I’M NOT FUCKING HAPPY DOING IT. We then spent several years breaking up, trying again, hurting each other, and breaking up again. change someone, who the wanna-be-savior views as needing help. A loving relationship can be an oasis in uncertain times, but nurturing it requires attention, honesty, openness, vulnerability, and gratitude. Instead of saying “fuck this” and getting out, I told myself I was strong enough to put up with it. Must We Always Be Striving For a Better Life? The underlying belief of these individuals is: “It is the noble thing to do.” They believe they are somehow better than others because they help people all the time without getting anything back. Because I thought, after all the helping he couldn’t see the sacrifice and the effort? I want to savior complex myself, and stop acting on my savior complex tendencies as a way to feel valuable in a relationship. I have to respect that, give space, and give him the opportunity to do what’s best for him, whether that’s with me or not. Control over how someone needs me. Although I don’t remember the specifics of how I tried to take on the task of making her happy, I do remember I was her go-to girl for everything I could be. Even though I was abso-fucking-lutely in love with this guy from the very beginning, just a few months in- I started feeling that “OH MY GOD WHY DID I MEET YOU NOW THIS WILL NEVER WORK WE WILL NEVER WORK FOREVER ISN’T REAL, THIS WILL END” type of anxiety. I'm Clo Bare, also known as Chloé. I was hurting and he helped me heal. This is a great blog post. Can’t he/she see how you’re trying to HELP THEM?! As usual, the core issues and deep attachments will very likely come from childhood. As the oldest female of five kids, my tendency has always been to fix things and solve problems. What are your fears about not helping, and can you challenge them? I’m so glad this post made you do some inner searching!! How could she do this to me after all our talks and hanging out and being friends? Well, first of all, it’s not equality. Almost every Relationship I’ve Been in Since. At first, the term “Savior Complex” may have a positive connotation. I relate to EVERYTHING you’re saying. Savior complex is the tendency to dive into a relationship, romantic, platonic, or professional, with the intention of "saving", fixing or changing someone. Every relationship? Anymore because of how I’ve been working on my boundaries, I think I’d call myself a reluctant empath. Thank you so much for writing this. The underlying belief of these individuals is: “It is the noble thing to do." Has no intention of changing it in fact. From my own experience, I’ve always been the person who is always giving people advice and help as well, but I’ve come to realise that although you are helping them, you will also take on their problems which end up effecting you as well (physically and emotionally). Now I’m understanding because I was not use to them not needing me, I therefore did not feel valued. Friends are supposed to accept you as you are and love you in the state you’re in– not save you or by association change you. Many individuals who enter into caring professions such as mental health care, health care and even those who have loved ones with addictions may have some of these personality characteristics. The savior is usually assumed to be male and frankly misogynistic. Sending you love and sounds like you are well on your path of self-awareness and self-discovery! As they were put on this earth to save the broken souls (as they see it) because they’re more special than anyone else.
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