i love him but i'm not attracted to him

Once you have a better idea of what you really mean when you say I”m not attracted to my boyfriend, you can better analyze the issue. You’re a successful, strong, independent woman, right? Fights and arguments once in a blue moon are normal. It happens all the time. Since you say that he’s perfect in all other ways, I would hold on to him if I was in your position. Sounds like the classic “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you” scenario. I asked a girl out, she said no, I asked her why, and she told me she did not find me attractive. That’s a rough proposition for you to endure with a boyfriend. If you are looking for perfect you are setting yourself up for failure. If you marry a very handsome man, you may have to put up with arrogance, self-absorption, selfish expectations, excessive preening, too much worrying about his physical appearance etc. It’s kind of like a list you know? I feel like I would be stupid to let go of a man that loves me that much and that I get along with that well considering all the men in this world that aren’t half of what he is on the inside, but still…. Let him decide if he can live with that revelation. I spent half the week in his dorm, and he spent half the week in my off-campus apartment. You’re going to have to tell him that you’re not attracted to him, but it’s the way you say it that will make him feel good, feel okay about it. I believe physical attraction is somewhat important in a sexual relationship and I couldn’t imagine being with someone that I was constantly comparing to others or trying to convince myself was attractive in my mind. A month later, I met my current long-term partner. It’s not about what it appears to be about on the surface. Why would any man want to live with the arbitrary judgment and criticism? I personally think that’s one of the reasons he is trying to lose weight. You can find someone attractive without swooning whenever they flash a grin at at you. “Love” real “love” is ALWAYS about wanting what is best for the other person, even if that means you need to exit the picture. Everything you’ve said and talked about are all the things any woman would really want to be a part of. However, as I fell in love with his personality I started to find him more and more physically attractive to the point that now, I think he is the best looking man in the world and I never doubt my physical attraction to him. At this moment, I seriously contemplated just sucking it up and continuing a relationship with someone who was great on paper, but I was not attracted to him. It is not fair to you or to him. It’s been my experience that, when in a committed, romantic, love-based relationship, compatible with your sexual orientation, it’s not difficult to overcome this. There’s something underneath that that hasn’t been identified. But the truth is, happiness does not come from forcing something that is not working out. You know, my husband is really handsome, but I don’t think I drool when I see him from across a room. Your email address will not be published. But ultimately, I realized that it is his problem. I don’t see you as shallow or anything of the sort. However, I will note that currently he has been trying to lose weight and slowly he is getting to a healthier body type which I am very proud of. Either you have to appreciate them for what they are and what they do give you. Saying “I’m not attracted to him” means you have one foot out the door, and this attitude alone will destroy your relationship. Just something that might be part of the issue. You don’t want him touching you. I have a thing for hands too on a male I hate weak hands on a male, but of course you cannot buy him new hands loll. My question to all of you out there: are looks really THAT important? I am not attracted to him because he has done so much to hurt me he is not good in finances communication and sex that’s a understand statement the stress I have I don’t want to any more I am so frustrated my oldest attends Barry university in Miami . Look st it from his perspective: he deserves better. I just said that a commitment can make or break a relationship, but how do you know when you should commit 100% or break it off? Thanks for checking out my post: I’m Not Attracted To My Boyfriend. What I mean to say is, I have never experienced loving someone that I didn’t think of as attractive…. Yeah, I could lose weight and grow my hair long and wear contacts and look quite pretty with makeup—but that’s not me. How can I become more physically attracted to my boyfriend. In previous years, I’ve talked to very attractive guys but I’ve never met anyone who matches my personality and truly cares for me the way he does. Nicole, dating expert at Nicoletalkslove reminds us that we’re staying in something that’s not working for the following three reasons: We’ve already invested so much. But, I’m always thinking about everybody else, and most other people are not as thick-skinned. We don’t believe we deserve better. Real attraction is something that comes from a deeper connection. I’m not proud of that, and I’ve hurt over this for a long time. Your lack of attraction to your partner has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you and your perspective. If you need to be attracted, then that’s what you need. We want it to work SO BAD. So it depends on what kind of person you are. You want a high-quality man and you’re on the verge of settling for less. There is a saying that ” Immature “love” is hot and mature love is warm.” As a dating coach for women, I usually try to come up with one size fits all answers to questions like this so that you can decide easily. If you’re always doubting him and thinking that you could do better, you’re destroying your relationship from the inside out. This isn’t their fault and you shouldn’t be blaming them or expecting them to fix the problem. It happens to me a lot. Daughter by him is 7. Wanting to constantly leave the relationship is not normal. Short from major body surgery his appearance is obviously not going to make you happy. I have also heard people judge good looking people harshly by the way, just because they are good looking. @Coloma I’ve mentioned it, not in full detail like this but I have brought it up. If you come home every day and feel like you have a best friend to talk to, someone who supports you and you genuinely enjoy spending time with him, you’ve got a pretty good relationship on your hands! And yet sometime between then and now, my feelings changed. I would pay serious attention to this. Oops. No rational thinking is going to overcome your genetic and cultural biases. But you’re not feeling the attraction. We have taken “break periods” before where we were technically single, but I never found a desire to be with anyone else when we were apart. And you know what? It’s more than that. As I brood about this question, I imagine you with your clipboard, taking notes and ticking off this nice man’s flaws as you see them. What will prevent you from coming up with other arbitrary lists whenever you feel like it? As you know, sexual attraction rarely grows over time. My heart changed, and while I can honestly say I still love my husband, I’m not sure I’m still “in love” with him. Sure, even the most perfect boyfriend is going to have flaws or things that bother you, but you shouldn’t get to the point of saying you’re not attracted to him. You have a man who has the hots for you; he’s talking to you or coming on to you, but you’re not feeling it. Be real to yourself…, To join, you must be at least I’ve never really had strong luck with relationships in the past. Don’t beat yourself up, girl, I’ve loved a few guys whom others probably wouldn’t find attractive. No, looks shouldn’t matter, but they obviously do if you’re this concerned about it. You saying that you’re not attracted to him may just be a case of thinking that the “grass is greener” somewhere else. - you get jealous at the thought of him being with anyone else, That seems, to this outsider, to be the clincher here: It’s all about you wanting to keep what you have. Can your boyfriend do better than you in finding someone who will respect and appreciate his character and who will be devoted to him through the decades to come? He said that he doesn’t care if it’s not undying lust, just as long as I’m attracted to him in some way. I wonder how he’d feel if he read this. It has helped some. Required fields are marked *. He sounds like a really quality guy, perhaps he needs to spunk it up a bit more? You’re going to have to tell him that you’re not attracted to him, but it’s the way you say it that will make him feel good, feel okay about it. My bf and I weren’t exactly “love at first sight” but he’s definitely the one for me now :). Or is he not great in the bedroom? If you’re in a relationship with someone that is not a good fit, don’t try to fit a square peg in a round hole. It’s free! Matchmaking 101 – Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt, The Men’s Room – Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women, The Balancing Act: Dating Advice for Single Parents, The International: Dating Around the Globe, The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women, 3 Ways a second date is way more important than a first, How to tell if he doesn’t want a second date, How to deal if you’re dating someone high maintenance, What Gay and Lesbian Sex Dreams REALLY Mean, Your Hips Don’t Lie: How to move for better sex, Tie me Up: How to Try Bondage for the First Time, Why Men Pull Away And How To Pull Them Back. I love spending time with him and I would never cheat, I’ve just been on the fence about what to do. Everything about that kiss felt wrong and awkward and my attraction for him dwindled almost instantly. HIs nose isn’t long enough (??!) I’m not saying that looks are the most important thing but if it is weighing on your mind the way it seems to be then something is not quite right and, if you have been together for this long, love his personality but still don’t find yourself all that attracted to him then I can’t see that changing. However, he’s extremely intelligent, has a good job, loves manga and videogames as I do, is incredibly doting, is great in bed, he have the same essential values, etc. During the hard times it’s been the fact that he is my best friend that has pulled me through. Why do you deserve better and if you can find it then why are you with this guy. What Hollywood fantasy are you presently buying into? It took me a long time to initially get together with him because I wasn’t super attracted to him. At many times, other things but love is more triggering for people to start a relationship. Sometimes there is a connection of the mind, the spirit, the heart, whatever that transcends money, looks, or anything else. Good luck. #3 You care less about making an effort around him. Until then just know that finding someone who ‘gets’ you, is very rare, especially if the sex is good as well. I just feel like – well, you know the debate we have in our heads, Should I kiss them or should I not? I just can’t find myself attracted to him as I am with other guys. It doesnt make you shallow, it doesnt make you a bad person…so dont force yourself or him to keep the fire between you going! It takes courage to ask this question but it takes more courage to not allow someone else to be held prisoner by your fickle desire. Because to me as a women I never believed sex was all that important. If you’ve been dating each other for more than a year, you have to start thinking about whether or not he makes you happy. You need to let him down easily. That’s pretty extreme. Oddly I understand this question. Maybe time to ask him ” How would you feel if you knew I care for you but am not attracted to you? I know I’m a shallow b****, I already feel bad enough, but please help me? She helps confident and successful women meet confident and successful men. Your lack of attraction to his looks may stand for some other thing you do not find attractive, but are unable to identify consciously. For others, the physicality diminishes and isn’t important, and people don’t miss it. His job was high paying and he had flexible hours.

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